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Hellsing, Iscariot, and Millennium! Oh, my!
Plus the Drifters and anything else Hirano.
SchrodingerxIncognito 
9th-Dec-2008 06:19 pm
chickenperson52

I now introduce what I believe is the first ever SchrodingerxIncognito friendship fic.

Title: The Corner
Author: chickenperson52
Rating: T for a very brief, non-explicit mention of rape.
Genre: Humor/friendship
Summary: Schrodinger meets Incognito. Need I say more?

 

Schrödinger knew a lot more than anyone gave him credit for. Being everywhere and nowhere had perks besides the inability to die as long as he recognized himself and teleportation. Schrodinger could go places that most people didn’t even know existed. And so he was aware of boundaries that were invisible to everyone else.

 

One of these places was The Corner. No one knew why it was called The Corner when it looked to be only a street corner, but it was one of the few places in the real world where fictional characters could temporarily pass the fourth wall. It was a grimy, gloomy sort of place, where muggers lurked and people threw their trash, but for Schrodinger, it was a kind of haven.

 

And it was there that he met Incognito.

 

It was an ordinary day, when there was nothing to do and Schrödinger was hiding out. A tall man with an oddly shaped head and bizarre tattoos sat down on the bench next to him, and sighed.

 

“Hard day?” The catboy asked sympathetically.

 

“It’s boring, floating in the N.” The N was where dead fictional characters and characters who weren’t currently doing something-whether it was being featured in a fanwork or participating in the actual story-hung out. It was a fairly boring place, particularly if you were an unpopular or minor character.

 

“The N? What fandom?” Schrödinger asked curiously. He hadn’t met anyone out of his fandom in a while; the few who knew about the corner were generally major characters who wanted to take a break from their busy lives.

 

“Hellsing. The first anime.”

 

“Oh, I’m from Hellsing too! From the manga, and the OVAs.” Schrödinger had missed the melancholy note in Incognito’s voice.

 

“Good for you. I got barely any screen time, and when I did, I was either saying something stupid, or getting impaled on a flagpole, or being mocked for my lack of reproductive organs.” Incognito complained. “I have no fans. None. I am the only character who everyone universally hates.”

 

“Fans aren’t all they’re cracked up to be! Not only do I have to commit suicide, but the fanfiction authors keep getting other characters to rape me! And the artist puts me in these stupid, little-boy, super tight shorts!”

 

“...ouch.” Incognito said in sympathy. “And I thought not having any clothes was bad.”

 

“Yeah, well...” Schrodinger looked down at the ground, then up at his companion. “At least you have some cool tattoos and piercings, right? I have cat ears.”

 

“Like anyone cares. I just get slammed for not having any mythology to back up my sorry existence.”

 

“I know! When the readers found out I wasn’t a werewolf or a vampire...” The two slumped against the wall behind them in unison. Around them, a mugger ran by and Incognito tripped him, watching as he went sprawling across the ground. The robber tried to get up, and Schrödinger tackled him. The robber in question was rather faint of heart, and was only committing crimes because of his vicious mother-in-law. He fainted.

 

“He’s got nothing interesting in his pockets.” Schrödinger said sadly. He finished rifling through the man’s coat and sat back down on the bench. “I suppose I should go home, and wait with the rest of Millennium...watch as my characterization is screwed up...”

 

“Drop by the reject section of the N sometime.” Incognito said. They sat there in silence for a while.

 

“I could bring you one of our extra uniforms, if you want.” The catboy offered. “Then you’d have some clothes.”

 

“I have a turban somewhere. You could cover your ears up, and hide a weapon in there, if the authors try and rape you again.”

 

“Thanks.” Schrödinger said. “I’ll...see you around, I guess.”

 

“See around...what’s your name?” The African vampire said.

 

“I’m Schrodinger. And you?”

 

“I’m...Incognito.” Incognito said in his creepiest voice. Schrödinger laughed, and vanished back through the fourth wall. Incognito stayed there, dressed in only his jacket, for a while longer, than decided to go visit Set.

 

Maybe the old demon would provide some entertainment, until he could see his new friend again.

Comments 
10th-Dec-2008 08:35 am (UTC)
Sweet, I love the anarchistic 'N section' and The Corner idea. Very nice and subtle.
12th-Dec-2008 03:46 am (UTC) - Yes!
Okay... this was good enough to make me go hm. Also, Incognito kind of grew on me... I don't hate him anymore.
17th-Dec-2008 02:09 am (UTC)
“Fans aren’t all they’re cracked up to be! Not only do I have to commit suicide, but the fanfiction authors keep getting other characters to rape me! And the artist puts me in these stupid, little-boy, super tight shorts!”

“...ouch.” Incognito said in sympathy. “And I thought not having any clothes was bad.”


Okay, I'm sold.

Best crack friendship ever? It just might be.
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